My human, Heather, has been watching some strange thing on the internets, called "Plants vs. Zombies". She watched the music video this morning to it and has been singing "There are zombies on your lawn, there are zombies on your lawn". (Although, it's better then when she was singing non-sensical songs this morning about an octupus and tenticles. If you are going to sing non-sensical songs, sing them about me)

So, I am sitting in the hallway, minding my own business, when my Heather walks by, singing that silly song! (The one about plants and zombies). I rolled my eyes and sighed. She stopped and looked at me. "Mr Gray", she said. "What would you do if there were zombies on the lawn?". I looked at her incrediously. First things first, we do not have a lawn; we live in an apartment. Secondly, I would not even let the zombie apocolypse occur under my watch of World Dominator. Duuuh. What do you take me for?

She giggled and walked off. A few minutes later, here she comes again, singing that foolish song!! I started to roll my eyes, but she finished the lyric differently this time: "There's a zombie on your mouse, there's a zombie on your mouse" and looked pointed at me!! Well, I can't stand for that!! It's one thing to have zombies on your lawn, but I will not sacrifice my dear mouse to those brain-eating cretins!! I jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom to save my dear mouse, only to find nothing was there! 

I heard laughter behind me and I turned. My Heather was laughing at my reaction and giggled as she picked me up. "Oh, Mr Gray", she said as she kissed me on the head. "I'm sooo sorry! I was only being silly. There are no zombies."

Well... I twitched and headed back into my domain. No zombies indeed. There should be a law against crying wolf like that. It's like calling "FIRE!" in a crowded theatre.

But I shall not stay mad at her for long. It's time for us to snuggle and read before she goes to sleep, and maybe if I act hurt enough... I just might get a tasty can of tuna out of all of this. Yum! =^.^=

The other day, I was being held by my Heather and raised my hand to her mouth so that she could kiss the royal paw.

Well, the silly creature bent her head down at the same time and my paw accidently went into her mouth. She spat it out and said "YUCK! puh puh... Mr Gray!! Your paws taste like feet!!"

-_-()

And just what do you think a paw is, genius??

-sigh- Good minions are so hard to come by.

It's difficult to find good minions. My secretary minion is not good about updating. She does seem good at is giving baths, however, which makes her a rather evil minion. World dominators DO NOT need to be clean. In fact, they are more feared if they are stinky, which I am not. She says I smell like peanut butter. I think she is nuts.

But this does not stop me from cuddling with her every night while she reads. My Heather is a very fidgety minion, which irks me. I settle down on a leg or some other body part for 15 minutes or so and she complains that she needs to move or stretch or something. Doesn't she realize it's an honor to have a body part fall asleep or cramp up because I have decided to perch myself on it? Besides, not like I can curl up behind her legs (my former favorite spot). I did it because her rear end hurts and I am trying to make it feel better for her, and what does she do but fart whenever I am back there! She thinks it's funny to launch flatulence with such a force that it blows me off the bed!! And the smell, too!! Ugh... and <i>I'm</i> the stinky one... (sighs, shakes head) silly human.

World domination is slow these days. Must be the recession. I honestly have gotten into a rut. As long as I take over the bed, it's good enough for me. My Heather keeps saying that I need to hurry up because there are other world dominators out there that want my job. She says she'll even help me. I'm almost 3!! Nearing middle age before I'll realize it... maybe I should get started... but for right now, this crinkle bag that my Heather bought me has my attention. Curse being an aspiring world dominator with A.D.D. !!

Greetings loyal subjects!

Sorry for taking so long between posts, but... let's just say that good help is hard to find. My Heather minion is not very good about updates, something about this thing called "work" (I suspect it's merely an excuse not to wait on me paw and foot, although SHE claims it's somehow useful in buying me more tuna).

However, this "work" thing has made me wonder lately. Somehow this thing called a "desk" is an indication of importance. I wonder what kind of power it holds. I must look into this and find out how to get myself one. My Heather just obtained one at work and seems overly happy about it. From this, I have devised that it must hold some status or power. This and a title of some sort, especially one that contains initials.

F.W.D. - "Future World Dominator"..... W.D.E. - "World Domination Expert"....O.W.D.E. - "Officer of the World Domination Extraordinaire".

It seems the more initials you have, the more important you are. Case in point - P.O.T.U.S. = "President of the United States".

F.O.W.D. - "Feline Officiator of World Domination"?

I shall have to have my minion secretary work on that for me. Yes, I shall like to sign my entries and other documents with a title of some sort.

Dorian M. Gray, F.W.D.

To the first minion who comes up with a catchy title for me will not get assigned litter box duty when I take over the world.

 Salutations.

I am Dorian M. Gray. The "M" stands for "Michief". My Heather calls me "Mr. Gray" (which I don't mind) and "GrayGray" (which I do mind).

I started live off as the offspring of a feral cat ("Mama") and a stray cat ("Sandwich"). I love my Heather, but she isn't very good at naming. Some of these names are just plain silly.

At the tender age of three weeks, I decided that life on the streets wasn't for me, so I moved in with my Heather and the Justin. I quickly took over their bathroom, and next stop: The WORLD!!!

Yes, I aspire for world domination. I am constantly thwarted by my "sister", the dog, and other distractions. My weaknesses are tuna and chin rubs. My Heather is the Head Minion and says she will do whatever I need to achieve my dream. The Justin is the minion in charge of litter box duty. My Heather says I could recruit more minions by taking my quest to the web. So, future minions, you can keep track of my progress for world domination right here in this blog.

I welcome questions and will take time to answer them when I can.

But for now, I fear I must go. I am not in the best of moods. My Heather scooped me up and gave me a bath, so I left her a stinky present in the litter box. =^.^=